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The Family Coach
A monthly column written by local coaches with Family Directions in Tampa as a community service. Their coaching services are available to local families by calling their office.
Dealing with Summer Chaos
It was an early summer morning when we got a call from a frantic mother. She was overwhelmed because all her great summer plans were not working out. She said, “My sitter just cancelled, I have to work, my husband is out of town and I just want to cry.”
Many of us moms have felt that level of frustration at one time or another, haven’t we?
Fortunately, this mom asked for help before things escalated and we were able to get her summer and sanity back on track.
At first Cheryl was frantic and unsure of how to cope with her situation. She explained that she had a summer plan in place but nothing about it was working. Her reactions were coming exasperation. “Now what?!” she cried.
We helped her calmly formulate an alternate plan, something that can be difficult when one is feeling overwhelmed and emotions are getting in the way. We taught her that creating this type of backup plan in advance helps when unexpected situations arise.
For Cheryl, there was conflict between the responsibility she felt toward her job and her parenting responsibilities. So it was helpful for all of us to begin by taking a look at her job and thinking creatively about solutions. She had some paid-leave available. And while she was saving that time for a vacation, she agreed that future plans could be delayed while she earned the time back. With that in mind, she allowed herself to take the day off and enjoy the time with her kids.
She also determined she had the ability to do some work from home, so while the kids enjoyed a rented movie, she sat and finished her report. To make matters easier, she was fortunate to have a boss that understood her need for flexibility and that simply by asking for help, she was able to work through this crisis.
Coaching proved to a real benefit to Cheryl. First, she learned some skills about re-prioritizing her daily expectations. Second, she learned how to react when she starts to feel overwhelmed with her day-to-day life of being a parent, a career woman and a wife whose husband travels often. And third, we helped Cheryl create more realistic expectations of herself in her world.
Many parents face those times of feeling overwhelmed, especially when things don’t go as expected. We feel the need to be on top of it all even when life throws us a curve ball. However, by taking a look at priorities and making some modifications to those priorities, parents can learn to go with the flow with much less stress.
The most important thing to remember is to ask for help when you need it.
Some helpful tips if you find yourself in Cheryl’s situation:
- Remind yourself you can’t control everything. Kids or sitters get sick, schedules change and spouses’ work situations change.
- Create multiple back up plans for when things happen and be creative. For example, trade baby sitting with another family, even if means swapping day hours for evening hours.
- Take care of yourself. A rested parent is a better parent, one that is more able to deal with overwhelming situations when they arise. If you exchange sitting with a friend, don’t just use it in an emergency, set up time to take for yourself. A walk, exercise, pedicure or sleep – whatever makes you feel better. You will be a better parent for it.
Written by
Caroline Hatton, LMHC, NCC
Kelly Jo Terry
Margaret Mela
The Coaches of Family Directions
For more information contact us at:
Family Directions
8019 N. Himes Avenue
Tampa, FL 33614
813-915-1600
www.yourfamilydirections.com
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