The Family Coach

A monthly column written by local coaches with Family Directions in Tampa as a community service.  Their coaching services are available to local families by calling their office.

Do you struggle with trying to be a perfect mom?

Its 3:37am and I awake in a panic…I didn’t get T.J’s letter of the week show and tell ready for his preschool class.  This will be a hard morning now. He is going to be a bear because he doesn’t have his “Z” show and tell item…  How could I have forgotten?
I have only been doing this for every letter of the alphabet for the past 25 weeks, and quite well I might add. 

Now it is 6:47am…..I have been stewing for hours.  I finally get up in a tizzy and make my way down to the photo albums to find a picture of a zamboni or a zebra from the zoo.  T.J. is walking around holding his silkie oblivious to why I am rushing around.  The more he looks at me, the more stressed out I get and we start to feed off each other.  He starts to whine; I get impatient and the cycle begins.

This is all too common for many parents.  A misplaced assignment, a missed soccer game, or forgetting a violin performance at the school can leave us wondering “What kind of mom am I?”  So where does the stress come from? Why do we put such pressures on ourselves?  Is it my concern for T.J. or is it that my “letter reputation” is at stake?  What will the teacher think?

Many times we are too concerned about how others see us as parents.  We often feel that if we are not perfect, it is a reflection on our mothering.  This is not the case.  When we are too busy trying to be perfect, we forget to stop and enjoy being a parent.    We send the message that it is more important what others think than what works for us. We overlook the people who really matter… our children. How do they view us as parents?

Every parent has had a difficult time at bedtime, an argument with a preteen, or forgotten to send in a check for the class field trip.  As parents, we tend to get stuck on these incidents and beat ourselves up.  We send the message of everything has to be perfect when we dwell on these things.   We should learn from our children who easily move on.  They naturally live the big picture.   They will look back on being tucked in at night, getting a bedtime story, bath time and playing outside.  They will remember the times when you chose to leave the dishes to go and play a game with them.  They don’t want you to be perfect.  They just want you to be Mom

It’s now 8:04 am.  I have to have my other kids to school in eleven minutes.  As I bolt out the door, I step on a train.  In frustration, I grunt.  But then T.J.  excitedly says “Thanks Mommy.  I have been looking for this train everywhere.  Can I take it to school for show and tell?’  He drops the zamboni picture and the zebra and skips out the door.  He is the happiest kid in the world then looks back and says, “You are my best Mom.”

Written by
Caroline Hatton, LMHC, NCC 
Kelly Jo Terry
Margaret Mela
The Coaches of Family Directions

For more information contact us at:
Family Directions
8019 N. Himes  Avenue
Tampa,  FL   33614
813-915-1600
www.yourfamilydirections.com