The Importance of Comfort
Learning to deal effectively with hurt

No matter how easy children’s lives are, kids still experience pain. They may not realize how good they have it, or how insignificant their pain is compared to other people, but it’s still real pain to them. A child’s seemingly small hurt is the practice ground to learn how to deal effectively with deeper hurt that may come later in life. As you tune in to your child’s pain, you’ll have the opportunity to help that child learn to process hurt in a healthy way.

Some parents tell their kids to “Stop crying,” “Grow up,” or “Get over it” when their children are sad or physically or emotionally hurt. Sometimes this encourages an angry response.

Empathize with your children when they’re hurt. You might say things like, “Ouch, I’ll bet that hurts.” Or, “I’d be sad too if my friend did that to me.” Children need to know that it’s okay to feel sad and hurt and that getting alone, praying, crying on someone’s shoulder, talking about the problem with you, or just allowing you to hold them quietly are all ways to receive comfort to deal with their pain.

You may need to try all these ideas and more before you find the one that ministers to your child. That’s okay. Take the time to experiment. In the process you may even learn more about comfort yourself.

This parenting tip comes from the book Good and Angry Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller RN BSN.